So I
was sitting on my porch this morning rolling around in my anguish, studying
Daniel and crying out to my God. The focal passage this morning is Daniel
2:20-23. These are Daniel’s words of praise to and about God after He revealed
to Daniel king Nebuchadnezzar’s dream and saved his life and the lives of his ‘famous’
companions (think fiery furnace).
Praise be to the name of God
for ever and ever; wisdom and power are his. He changes times and seasons; he
deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge
to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in
darkness, and light dwells with him. I thank and praise you, God of my ancestors;
You have given me wisdom and power, you have made known to me what I asked of
you, you have made known to us the dream of the king.
I was
thinking about what I wrote yesterday and how I seem to have a knack for making
people uncomfortable. I often (pretty much after every post) seriously consider
not continuing to post. Particularly now in this place of intense questioning
and doubt. I ask myself ‘Are you just a big fake? Are you going to lose this
battle for your faith and turn and run like you did before? Why are you letting
people see this your wounds and this fight so intimately?!’
The
answer came like a beautiful warm beam of sunshine breaking through the clouds briefly
warming parched, icy tundra. “Because you do trust me baby girl. You know I’m
going to win. You know this will come full circle. You let people see the pain
so that they will be able to see the miracle.”
My
heart is screaming, screaming, screaming right now! I do trust Him. I do! Down
in the depths of my soul I do. I can question and wonder and dig because I
believe that below the destruction and the shattered remnants of my life my
foundation is still there.
He’s
big enough. He’s big enough for the anger and the pain. His Word is trust
worthy enough for any amount of in-depth intense study I can muster. He is in
no way intimidated by my searching because He knows Who I will find.
I
praise God for this moment of warmth, for this moment of clarity, for this
wisdom that is not my own.
And we thank God for you!
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