Stuff and stuff

This weekend was one for huddling in the dark, realizations, and attitude adjustments. It seems that anytime I feel that I may have some semblance of a grip the world whips into a tailspin and I go flying again. Have you noticed how NOISY it is out there? Geez... Turn it off already.

Huddling
I was reminded just how broken I am and just how far I've come all in the same experience. Even now I really don't spend a lot of time around people. My introversion has fooled me into forgetting that my mind as well as my heart is shattered. After spending a relatively short period of time fighting to interact normally in a friendly social setting I completely stopped speaking for nearly three hours. I curled up in the dark in my room and disappeared. When we were leaving the gathering Will said "you did so well talking to people today babe." Wow, I'm so broken, so so broken.

Realizing
My oldest has inherited his mother's complete scatter brain. My poor husband is the only one in the house who ever knows where anything is. We send Isaiah to another room to accomplish some task and without fail find him wondering aimlessly having forgotten there was a task to be accomplished at all or having actually made it to his destination happily destroying something there. I really can't blame the kid. Like I said, he's got lots of stuff you can't point at his mom for but that one is all me. They say its a sign of brilliance. I'm going with that.

A side effect of the complete inability to focus on any one task for any length of time results in some serious messes. Again, this is one I try to be patient with. While now that I am mature (coughs) I am the resident cleaner/organizer/declutterer it took a loong time to get here. Saturday I decided I was going to tackle my big boy's room. He was out of town and I was determined to get things under control.

After digging my tenth "I don't even want to know" out of a nook or cranny and opening his toy box to find an empty cereal box and an egg crate (that was just in the first layer) I uttered about my hundredth variation of "I'm gonna kill him."

But over the next 5 or so hours as I slowly worked my way over, under, and through mounds of junk my attitude  did a 180. When Will came in to make sure I hadn't been eaten by whatever was living in there I looked up and said "I'm a HORRIBLE parent!" While my penchant for the melodramatic may have taken that statement a bit over the top the truth is I was feeling like I had failed my kid, majorly. I was buried under piles of STUFF. It took me hours to clean and organize it all. I was stressed by the clutter and the claustrophobic feeling in the room. Why does my kid have so much stuff? On what planet can i expect him to keep this clean?! Ugh, Mommy fail. I purged and purged and purged and promised myself this was going to change.

Adjusting
Isaiah is a typical kid. Anytime we're anywhere he wants two of everything. I usually say something like "Babe, you have tons of stuff you don't even play with" but this weekend I think a change that has been working itself in my head finally clicked into place. Stuff is stressful! Today when we went to the grocery store and Isaiah asked for a pillow pet even though he already has one (but that one glows!) I said "having too much stuff just causes stress babe. Let's work on enjoying what we have." - attitude adjustments

I've been purging my own stuff for a while but now I'm even more motivated. Stuff is stressful. I want to spend my time loving on my guys not doing piles of laundry. Seriously, why on earth do I need a closet full of clothes? I so don't. So I'm hoping to keep my eye on what's important and start removing what's not.

By the way, when Isaiah explored his room after the massive toy/junk purge he said "it's so calm." From the mouths of babes.