Thursday, November 15, 2012

I miss you! I miss you! I miss you!


I smiled today and I cried, both rarities in my life these days. The smile far rarer than the tears. I am told this is a symptom of PTSD, dissociation. My mind can’t cope so it just shuts parts of itself down. It shuts parts of me down. Most of the time all I feel is the harpoon jammed through my still beating heart. I try desperately not to turn, not to move, cough or breathe too deeply… not to shift the position of the impaled barb and send agony shooting through me. Today I stood in Damon’s doorway and said “I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.” The barb shifted and the tears came. I can’t cope…  How on earth could anyone cope?

Baby boy, I miss you! I miss you! I miss you!

In what reality is this my world?

1 comment:

  1. just breathe, dear friend, until our breathes are no more and we are reunited with our babies, just breathe.

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