I few months ago I heard a story about a researcher who studies human communication. I honestly don't remember who he was or where he works or what the point of his research is but I do remember very clearly him talking about "monologuing." He explained that humans converse less and less and monologue more and more. What we call conversations are just people taking turns talking about themselves with little regard for what the other person says.
Since Damon's death I've changed in a myriad of ways. One thing that has changed some on it's own and some because I make it is the way that I communicate.
People, in my experience, have this desperate urge to say something. Usually the something that falls out of your mouth because you feel like you need to say something is pretty stupid... or insensitive... or hurtful.
I'm trying really hard to think about what my purpose is before I speak, if I speak. If my goal is to be a source of comfort what form of communication would best serve that purpose? Will words be helpful in this situation? Silence may make me hella uncomfortable but sometimes it's just not about me.
I think so often I talk to hear my own voice... particularly because no one seems to be listening. I want to be listening. I want to hear what the people I love have to say and give them room to say it.
Early in our marriage it drove me nuts how little my man talked. I had some crazy epiphany that I needed to shut up a lot more and it was amazing how much he had to say.
I find that there are very very few comforters in this world. There are very few people who don't have an agenda. It seems everyone is trying to accomplish something and when I don't meet the scheduled checkpoints I've somehow failed... or maybe they have. I want to be a person who gives others space to just be, who has no agenda, who just listens. I guess I want to be what I need.
Until next time...
Wisdom.
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