So sensitive..

Don't be so sensitive

Let it roll off of your back

Get a thicker skin...

The last is my (least)favorite.

I have no skin. I walk through the word with virtually no emotional armor or resilience. If you take me down you take me down for days.

I feel every word. I feel every look, every snarl, every slight.

It hurts.

People often tell those of us who walk through the world emotionally vulnerable to be "thicker skinned." It's possible to develop thicker skin, as in your real physiological body covering skin. You can do it. On parts of your body that are exposed to constant wear the skin will thicken... As it thickens you lose some of the sensation, you lose a great deal of the flexibility, the color changes. In the end it looks and feels nothing like the original skin. It is protective. It serves its purpose well.

I honestly don't know if I could do this emotionally or not. I know there are people who have. There are people who, in self preservation, have thickened. They have lost much of their ability to feel. In the process they have become very inflexible and, perhaps, to those who knew them before, unrecognizable. You probably know them, too.

Sometimes I really really wish I were thicker. EVERYTHING hurts. People are angry and opinionated and mean. Speaking about things people don't want to hear makes me a target.


But... some people are genuine and kind and honest.

Some people entrust me with their truth... their own deep hurt

Some people sacrifice their time and energy to raise money for Damon's Dance

Some people never forget, never stop, ever offer their support


If I grew that thicker skin, built that wall of armor that protects me from the mean and angry and opinionated would I still cry out of an overwhelming gratitude to the amazing women who organized a Damon's Dance fundraiser? Would I still be a person my friends can trust with their hearts? Would I still be able to feel it when people purposely poor their love and affection into me? Would I be closer or further from the woman, wife, mother that I want to be?


It sucks to be so sensitive. I really sucks to be a deeply sensitive woman trapped in a body with a very, overly, obnoxiously honest one... seriously. But even if I could turn it off (and I don't think I can) I don't think I would be willing to accept what that would do to the rest of me.

Much like grief, sensitivity is not an illness. It is not something that needs to be changed. It is not a weakness any more than aching for a child I will never hold again is a weakness. It just is.

Until next time...