Hidden and Healed

I ranted and a railed. I screamed and I sobbed. One day it all became too much and I rounded on God with the viciousness of a starved hyena. I was carrying around the weight of the world, the weight of my guilt and my entire existence buckled under the pressure. I could not take one more step. I had nothing left, nothing. I was broken, tortured, laying in a heap at the bottom of the pit.

I started from scratch. I held nothing back. I told the almighty God of the universe, lover of my soul exactly what I thought of Him and exactly where He could stick His love. I was dancing in the raging thunderstorm screaming “STRIKE ME!!!” quite literally. I called on Him to strike me with lightning. I said to Him “ok, if you’re real, then strike me”. I was that low.

And you know what, precious child of the most high God? He did me one better. He knew what I wanted. He knew that I wanted HIM, with that guttural deepest of the deep desire I wanted TRUTH, and truth He gave me.

The old hymn “He hideth my soul in the cleft of the rock” closes my throat with emotion. He hid me, beneath His almighty hand. In that hiding place He healed me.

Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble

I tell you all of this so that you will know that He knows. That anger, that bitterness, that hurt that you are pushing deeper and deeper down into your soul, denying its existence to yourself and to Him is no secret to Him. He knows. Nothing you can say to Him, no blackness you can mine up from the depths of your heart with surprise Him and He will not turn from you. The reason I could spit forth all of my vitriol onto my God was because He was there. He was always there.

Hebrews 13:5 Never with I leave you. Never will I forsake you

Luke 5:31-32 Jesus answered them, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

That blackness will, however, serve as the material from which Satan fashions the bars to imprison you in your own anger, your own guilt, your own pride and the means by which He isolates you.

Here comes the beautiful thing. They are lies. They are all lies.

John 8:44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

The truth is:

God picked you on purpose

Ephesians 1:4-6 For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love het predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.

Nothing can make God stop loving you

Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Jesus loves you as much as God loves Jesus (that's a lot).

John 15:9 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.

You are forgiven

1 John 2:12 I am writing to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his name.

God has prepared good things for you

1 Corinthians 2:9 “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him”

Whatever horrible blackness you are running from, no matter how vile your past, is a lie. The almighty God of the universe says that you are His and that you are healed. Praise God!!

Who will you believe?

How great is our God

I read fiction, a lot of fiction. My favorites are the books that are mystical and magical and where in the end good always triumphs over evil. Just last night I finished a book that deeply troubled me. In this book the gods (lower case ‘g’) of the protagonist had been overthrown by younger, more powerful gods. The original gods were petty and fickle, they sometimes favored certain individuals and blessed them immensely but could easily lose interest or become offended and turn on the once blessed with curses or indifference.

The people of my book desperately cried out to deaf ears while their crops withered and their men died at the hands of foreigners. My heart ached for these people, crying out to helpless, defeated and, at best, fickle gods.

Last night I couldn’t shake my angst. I felt sick until I realized because of the use of the word ‘god’ in the book I had been subconsciously equating these fictional gods with my GOD! I cried out “How great is our God”! Thank you Father that you are not fickle that you are the same yesterday and today and forever (Heb 13:8), that you love me no matter what (Rom 8:38).

I am reminded of a parable Jesus told, the story of my life!

Luke 15:11 Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons.12 The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.13 "Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living.14 After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need.15 So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs.16 He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

17 "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death!18 I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you.19 I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.'

20 So he got up and went to his father.
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

21 "The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet.23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

Every time I read this story I see more parallels to my salvation. His father ran to him. Can you see this elderly man hiking up his robe and running full tilt toward his beloved son? Can you imagine the way his heart clenched with desperate, aching joy?

I know I came back to God is just this manner. I described myself as a beaten dog, tail tucked between my legs. I was just hoping He would let me lay near the door to just be close to His presence, His healing power. I knew I was not worthy to join Him in His home.

And yet, ran to me! He ran to me. He wooed me. He healed me. Praise Jesus who came to heal the sick (Luke 5:31-32). Praise God who is the great I AM (Ex 3:14), who created the heavens and the earth with His great and outstretched arm. Nothing is too hard for Him (Jer 32:17).