Messengers

Grief is not what you expect it to be. The darkness is darker than anything you can imagine but perhaps more surprising are the moments of relief. This morning I was sure I would be swallowed whole by the grief. I was sure the overwhelming pain would drag me to the depths and hold me there forever. Our friends brought their bundle of fluffy silliness over. His name is Eddy. We took Eddy with us to pick Isaiah up from school. The normal, routineness of picking Isaiah up, same place as always, same kids, same sounds, same world, was both painful and healing. Isaiah giggled as only my amazing 6 year old can giggle in response to the wiggly, waggy tailed furball. And there it was, a crack in the suffocating black. Suddenly light, laughter.

One of Damon’s nurses came by today. I was sitting at the kitchen table writing to God. The last words I wrote before she knocked were “do something!” She brought a wreath, a card, and something she wrote. She explained that it just poured out of her the night before Damon’s funeral. Something told me “Jodie, you want to read this.” So I did. It spoke directly to so many of my questions, so many of my fears. I believe it poured out of her. I know where it came from. I’m so thankful that she was obedient to the Spirit. It must have been hard to come here. It must have been hard to hand over her words, not wanting to hurt, hoping to help.

For Damon's Mom

I met a precious soul today...he touched my heart...
No words- and yet- so much to say, that when he left, I begged the Lord,
To heal this child, and spare his mom, the pain that she would feel -
if from this earth - he'd have to go to Heaven...to be healed.

I watched her hold him in her arms, wrapped in love- secure-
Her fortress from the cruel fact,
that even love-can't hold one back-
When health is gone and time is short...and heaven calls us home.

Her deepest pain and agony, her tears that cry, "Lord-why?"
Can't take away- the darkest day, this little one was swept away,
When earthly ties can't keep him here and she has met... her greatest fear
that they'll live life without this one... and never understand

We'll grieve- for we connot explain... the depth, the width - unmeasured pain,
I close my eyes and say... "Lord, this cannot be true".. And yet- I know the facts...
My faith feels lost- I feel forsaken,
The things I thought I knew- are shaken,
I'm angry- and my heart cries out... I just want him back!

Then, I hear your whisper.....,
"Heaven was the only place- That this sweet child- could feel the grace...
of whole and painless healing"
For medicine could not supply, or meet the needs, of this sweet child
And partial help would leave him here...to suffer and to cry.

So, our Great Physician took him home and spared him of all pain,
He's skipping through a field of flowers... all sunshine... and no rain-
Restored and whole! ...with understanding - we have yet to gain
He's waiting there to see you, and he'll know you by your name.

So how, then, can we deal with this?
The pain, that we must bear?
Help us to remember and teach us how to share,
That sometimes... love means letting go, so loved ones truely rest,
We have to take on earthly pain, of heartfelt brokeness.

One step,
one step,
...and then the next...
a family here today,
Another son, whose grieving,
who needs your loving ways...

He'll learn from you that faith sustains, the truths that we believe,
He'll learn that life can be survived... even when we grieve.
It's not the job, that you expected, wanted or conceived-
But it's a part of who you are... and the legacy you'll leave.

I know that you can do it.
I've seen your strenght so strong...
In the middle of your heartache, I heard you sing him songs,
I saw you go beyond yourself, wigh perfect love complete,
A mother's love- so true- so pure- so comforting... so sweet...

Damon spent those hours, wrapped in your arms of love,
While earthly forces fought their best, the Father watched above,
And when his little body tired, and he had done his best,
You made the choice to honor him and let his body rest.

Isaiah will be blessed by you, and he will give you hope,
To face each day... one at a time... and help each other cope.

I met a precious sould today, he touched my heart...
No words, and yet so much to say,
I knew that he was special...
I knew it from the start.