laughter in dreams

I had a dream last night. It wasn’t one of those dreams I sometimes have where I wake, heart pounding, breathless, certain that something significant just happened. I’d been up for a few hours, read, prayed… cried. Then I remembered.

Damon was there, sitting on my left hip. He was dressed in baby blue footie pajamas. He looked exactly like Damon, except that he didn’t quite. He was brighter. His skin was perfect, gone were the circles that often rimmed his sweet little baby eyes. His halo of golden curls sprung around his head as always, except they all seemed to do it in beautiful order, curling wildly and beautifully. And he laughed. He laughed and laughed and laughed. He would kick his sweet little legs straight, throw his beautiful head back and giggle. He laughed constantly causing me to struggle to balance him on my hip. It was beautiful.

And there was more to the dream. Something was wrong, someone was scared. To my surprise there was a tiny little girl on my right hip. She was scared. There was something bad happening. I can’t for the life of me recall the details but I know I was scared too. I had to run. I had to rescue her, the tiny baby on my hip. There were bad people chasing; I remember that.

The thing that struck me as I explored this dream was that I was not afraid for Damon. He sat on my left, perfectly content, smiling, peaceful and I did not feel like I need to rescue him, only the huddled child on my right…

I hesitate to make too much of my wild subconscious trying to make sense of my shattered heart but something about this rings so true in me. I’m not entirely sure what… but something.

And above all it was so good to see him, to see him perfect and laughing!! I had to write it down, for fear I would forget what that picture looked like. I was so good to see my baby. I miss him more every day.