Just cry

Today has been a day of tears. This morning the dam broke and weeks’ worth of anguish screamed out of me. Normally when this happens (wow, this is my normal) I spend the day in bed. I cry myself out then don’t move much for the rest of the day. Today I had commitments. So, for the first time I willed myself into composure and ‘did life,’ fell apart again, then ‘did life again’ and am currently in the midst of falling apart again.

Tonight I lay in bed with my six year old and held him while he cried a howling, gut wrenching, sobbing cry. He doesn’t understand why he needs to do this. He honestly doesn’t make the mental connection but I do. I know why he needs to cry. I know why every once in a while he just falls apart and sobs.

Tonight I sobbed with him. I said “Just cry baby. It’s ok, just cry.” I told him it’s ok to cry when you’re sad and you don’t even have to know why you’re sad. He clung to me fiercely and I held him as tight as I could. After a while his body stopped shaking. He rolled over and said “sometimes I just have to roll over to get compterble” and fell asleep.