DANCE!

Damon loves to dance. I say “loves” because while he isn’t here with me I know he still loves dancing. He has all sorts of variations. He squat bounces, pop and locks and turns circles until he’s so dizzy he almost falls down, grinning all the while. Like the biggest beautifulest baby grin you could ever imagine. In almost every single memory I have of my little man he is grinning, ear to ear.

I’ve often prayed for my Father to sing over my children. I want them to learn His voice, to learn to weave the dance of their lives around His cadence. I prayed this over Damon often in his short stay in my arms. After he went home I realized that the picture of my abba singing over my babies was something I had just known in my soul that He did. I had no biblical confirmation. At the time my prayers where all Holy Spirit intercession and no coherent thought or words. He heard the cry of my heart to know from His voice that He does this. I “ended up” somewhere I had not planned to be one day and saw something beautiful. There in front of me was Zephaniah 3:17.

For the Lord your God is living among you,

He is a mighty savior.

He will take delight in you with gladness

With his love,

He will calm all your fears.

He will rejoice over you with joyful songs

I painted this verse on four canvasses and hung them in the hall across from Damon’s room.

Today I was listening to a lesson over the measureless love of God (I know you’re shocked right?). The teacher took us to this verse. She said “Zephaniah” and I started reciting the words in my head. These words were a gift from my abba, they are precious to me.

She gave me a beautiful, powerful, healing gem. She explained that the original word translated “rejoice” in Zephaniah means “to spin” like spinning in circles. She discussed our personal dance with Jesus and bid us to imagine Him spinning in joyful circles over and with us.

I got in the shower and turned on my “Damon” playlist. The song “Dance” by David Crowder Band (you should check it out. If it doesn’t make you think of D and smile I’m a purple monkey) began blaring from my speakers. A funny, joyful, silly scene exploded behind my eyes. My baby bounce squatting, pop and locking and spinning in circles… right there with my Jesus, spinning His own happy, silly circles. I imagined Him hiking up His royal robe and laughing as He danced. I stood in the shower and let the scene play, laughing as the salt of tears mingled with water.

Could this be the first moment of healing?

I’ve spent the last two days locked in hand to hand combat with Satan. Hating everyone and everything one minute and the next crying out my thanks to God for the incomprehensible love He has expressed through my dearly loved friends and family. One minute I’m furious with everyone for gaining inspiration while I suffer incomprehensible pain and the next I’m kicking and screaming “TAKE THAT SATAN!” rejoicing in the victories I see happening all around me.

The pain keeps getting deeper. Night before last as I lay on my bed, crippled by the pain I was reminded “what do you know, Jodie?” Your feelings will wobble and waiver. Life doesn’t feel good. Almost nothing feels good but what do you KNOW. I started reciting every scripture I could think of, out loud. What do I know? I know You are good. I know You are here. I know You are powerful. I know You are able.

Today He let me feel what I know. I am immeasurably grateful. Jesus and my baby will dance in my heart until my Father takes me home, then they will dance before my eyes. Jesus come soon.