Not who I was

It’s been a long time since I felt condemnation over my past. Well, it feels like a long time. For the past two years I have walked in absolute freedom from my sickening choices and agonizing mistakes. God wooed me from the pit, He began to teach me who He is; I began to fall madly in love and I gave it all to Him. He cast it as far as the east is from the west. I found peace.

I’ve struggled mightily with continuing to write. Rather, I’ve struggled mightily with continuing to publish what I write. The writing pretty much happens, period.

A friend told me recently that Satan is pissed. That he thought he took us out on March 27, 2012. That he hates my blog, he hates what I write and he is prowling like a lion, waiting to devour. “Keep writing” she said “keep writing truth.”

Yesterday and today I’ve felt a sudden resurgence of the guilt from my past. It’s a nasty, sickening, tar filled pit. I hate it. I hate who I was. I’ve had the feeling like I have no right what-so-ever to be proclaiming God. He is righteous. I am not. Someone will find out!!! Stop writing!!

Well, if you know me at all… you already know. That’s the beauty of transparency. It’s already out there. Praise God!

Today my Father spoke directly to this attack.

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17-21

My study today centered on, revolved around and picked these verses apart.

What Satan intended for harm, God intended for good. Satan reminded me who I was. He tried to undermine my voice, my search and my praise. God reminded me what He did for me! He reminded me who I AM. I AM A NEW CREATION! I’m not who I was!! God reminded me that I am a miracle. I am His miracle.

Today, for the first time since God took Damon home, my heart soared with unhindered thankfulness. I kneeled in His presence with my face on the floor and worshiped.

I’m not who I was.