Majesty

God woke me this morning at 5am. He woke me with a dream about Damon. These always shake me wide awake, breathless, heart pounding, adrenaline pumping. I got to hold my baby in my dream. He was laughing. The warmth that spreads through me when I write those words is simply indescribable. So, I’ll just leave it at that. I said to him over and over and over “I love you. I love you.” He said it back in his sweet toddler language. These are not words he ever spoke in life. Before last night I had never heard my son tell me he loves me.

When I woke I lay there, stone still not wanting the vision to fade. I kept saying it “I love you. I love you.” I felt the tug outside. When God wakes me He almost invariably calls me outside. I’m not sure why but I can hear Him so much better out there. I resisted, afraid if I moved I would lose my hold on Damon. Finally, His call became too much and I made my way to the porch.

I sat there bathing in the memory and the feeling of peace that it brought still intoning “I love you. I love you.” endlessly under my breath. I love you, I love you!

Damon Ray, I love you.

I kept feeling a tug, further, deeper. Don’t stop at the porch child, keep coming. I felt the urge to go lay in the middle of my front lawn. There were lighting flashes streaking through the still darkened sky and there was only one star I could see. I knew if I went and laid in the lawn ‘my star’ would dip beneath the trees and be lost to me. So, I resisted.

Finally I gathered my quilt around me and stepped out of the shelter of my porch. The sight that greeted me is… inexpressible. The sky was as I have never seen before, never. I tried to describe it to Will this morning and the words sounded flat and empty as they tumbled one after another over my tongue. It cannot be described. It cannot. It was magnificent and terrifying and beautiful. I laid there feeling very small and infinitely loved huddled in my blanket against the chill. I don’t think the sky has ever looked like that before and I don’t think it ever will again. I witnessed majesty and I am in awe.