Together

God has had me in Hebrews since Damon’s death. He’s been reminding me who Jesus is, of His power, His sacrifice and His completion. One day this week (they all run together) I asked God something like “I need to know You’re here, I need to know You’re powerful, I need to know that You are good, I need to know Damon is with You and I need to know I will be there soon.” He had me in Hebrews 1&2 that day:

1:3 the Son radiates God’s own glory and expresses the very character of God, and he sustains everything by the mighty power of his command.
I got chills, You are powerful…

1:9 You love justice and hate evil
You are good…

1:12b But you are always the same; you will live forever.
You’re here, always the same…

2:10 God, for whom and through whom everything was made chose to bring many children into glory.
Damon is with you…

Then we hopped over to chapter 10.
10:37 For in just a little while, the Coming One will come and not delay.
I will be there soon.

It took me a long time to process His answers. I prayed this prayer as the study that answered my questions sat open in front of me. Seriously? Wow.

Today He spoke over me the story of John. I’ve had so many questions, upon questions, upon questions. I’ve questioned every assumption I’ve ever made. I’ve asked Him over and over and over to tell me who He is. I’m clinging to Him with all my might. Everything I believe must be true. I’m not satisfied to believe that which I have been raised to believe. I am tearing the Bible apart looking for absolute truth. Who do YOU say that You are, Lord? I need to KNOW.

I feel covered in His protection. I’m oddly aware that I have not been exposed to criticism or cruelty in these tender weeks. He knows how wounded I am. I have no doubt that He is hiding me. However, the deceiver’s voice can still be heard. He’d like me to believe that all my questioning means I do not believe God, that my faith is a sham, that I am a sham. Today God refuted that claim.

John, who dedicated his entire life, his entire being to preparing the way for Jesus, who saw the Spirit descend like a dove onto the Savior just as God as promised, questioned. Sitting in prison, destined for death, likely confused, wounded, afraid, John sent his questions to Jesus. Are you for real? Was I wrong? His questions resonate with me. I recognize the agony in his voice. Jesus my Jesus, speak.

Jesus spoke “blessed is anyone who does not stumble because of me” or “God blesses those who do not turn away because of me.” I looked up the original word that is translated “stumble” or “turn away.” It is skandalizo, the definition is a paragraph long but what stood out to me is this: to cause a person to begin to distrust and desert one whom he ought to trust and obey.

I’m comforted by John today, by his story, by his questions and by his continued faith. I’m comforted by Jesus’ response to these questions. Jesus rebuked when rebuke was in order, yet, no rebuke fell on John. He reaffirms that which he has taught me over and over. Bring it to me child, whatever it is, bring it to me. We’ll walk through it together.