Damon Ray Wiggins, the sight of his name brings indescribable pain, and joy. Damon came to us in the depths of the deepest darkest pit you can possibly imagine. I had run so hard from God that I had dug myself deep enough that the sun no longer penetrated my world. I was lost in
sin. I was broken. I was desperate. I was desperately wounded. When I got pregnant with Damon Will and I were not married. As a matter of fact, we weren’t even at a stable place in our relationship. The news of my pregnancy was terrifying and devastating. It’s true what they say, when you hit the bottom there’s nowhere to go but up. Slowly, gently as God, my abba, knit Damon together in my womb He wooed me. He sang love songs into a heart that was sure it could not be loved. He taught me who He is. He healed, He continues to heal. God gave us Damon to heal the broken places. Damon saved his parents and for 18 months we got to thank him and love him. Yesterday I watched that brilliant light leave my life. He went home. I don’t understand why God only gave him to us for 18 months but his precious, amazing, sinless life changed mine forever. You probably wonder, how could God allow such horrific pain in the life of those He loves? I’ve asked that question. I asked it yesterday, this morning, about 30 minutes ago and about ten seconds ago. God, why? I don’t understand! I HURT! Sometimes I’m furious, sometimes I’m debilitated with sobs, sometimes I’m overwhelmed with memories but I have to ask myself a question. Do I believe, now, in this time of desperate grief, what I claim to believe? Do I believe God? Do I believe that He is good? Do I believe that He has never left my side, that He loves and knows me more than I could ever imagine loving or knowing myself? In some ways I think it would be easier to throw it away, to decide that God must not be who He says He is, He must be cruel or just not exist but I can’t because I know that isn’t true. I know He’s real. I know He loves. I know that He feels every ache, collects the tears from every sob and will walk me through this. I KNOW. I know.
Jodi He will, I have seen it with my own two eyes when I thought there is nothing not even God that could get us through loosing Kelsie. He is doing it as I type so yes you KNOW and he won't walk you through it he will carry you, He will!
ReplyDeleteLove and prayers.
ReplyDeleteSweet Jodie,
ReplyDeleteIt has been many years since I have shared your company, but with the help of "social networking" I was able to feel like a part of your life. Through pictures I have followed you and your family, from pregnancy to kindergarten and beyond. I have felt as if we were kindred spirits, sharing similar struggles and triumphs.
I had shared Damon's story of illness with my mom, who was staying with me while my youngest little one was also hospitalized. When I mentioned that I wondered how he was doing...... her face was all it took.
I'm sure it is a combination of being a mother myself and having watched your precious boys grow up in pictures, but you have been on my mind and heart every moment since. I know what I feel is only a fraction of your suffering.
I just want you to know that I appreciate you sharing your journey, and know that it began inspiring me long before this tragic turn. I have always looked up to you, although you may not have known. I pray for healing and peace for you and your family. It cannot be easy to let go of such a precious little gift, but I thank you for sharing him with the rest of us..... God's newest angel.